How it feels to come alive in your business

This is what it feels like to arrive at the edge of your own world.
This is what my clients step into before they see themselves clearly again.

I’m afraid.

I’ve tried so many different things, had so many people tell me what to do and none of it, none of them have made this work.

I’m exhausted, the pressure of knowing I’m being watched, that maybe everyone will finally realise that the reason I’ve survived this far is not because I’m brilliant, it’s luck.

Luck that they all found me, pity that they chose me.

My breath curls around my mouth in tendrils as I sigh and I pull my coat tighter around my neck, the zip catching against my cheek.

This has to be it.

This has to be the moment someone finally shows me how to do this properly.

I slip my hand inside my pocket and let my fingers brush against the ticket. I’m not even sure this is the right place to be. She keeps saying ‘it’s all inside me’ but where? Where on Earth has it been hiding all these years.

But I’ve done it, and I’m here, there’s no going back now.

I push the canvas and step onto the softer ground, ducking as I walk inside the tent feeling the cold in the air soften into warmth against my skin

It’s dark in here. My footsteps are my only companion as i wander through the entrance way and step into the big top.

The ring, illuminated with a single spot light sits ahead of me, sawdust surrounded by a low fence of dull red.

What am I doing here?

The world melts away as I step under the light and into the ring. The stands, the doorway, the tent, it no longer exists, it is only me standing in the ring waiting in the silence.

Until I notice her, stood to the side, with the light dancing across the lines of her face, but not fully in the glow.

She smiles at me, and my song begins to play. My spirits are immediately lifted and the words echo around my soul. My shoulders drop and I begin to remember.

I begin to remember why I started this.

Without pressure i start to speak, I begin to describe my dream, my vision for the world I am building and as I do, I notice the walls, the world, it starts to form around me.

I see the spaces in my heart and watch as the people I dream of supporting walk in the doors.

I feel their relief, their joy, their success as they find what they’ve been looking for and so much more

I watch as they walk in and take a seat inside my world. Some wander through, others are still here and I know they will be for years to come.

I know them. I know what they felt before they arrived. I know the worries that lay on their chest, the thoughts that were holding them back, what they whispered into the dark and I know more than anything else that I am the person who can help them.

I’m filled with light and catch my breath as I notice my own form shifts. I stand straighter, see parts of my world I’ve never noticed and know exactly how I want this to feel inside and out. More than that, more than any of it, I know how I want to exist here. I see the performers who’ve been pulling my strings and leading me down a path of staying small, trying to be like everyone else.

But no one else could create this

This is my world.

This is my space.

And I’m so very ready to take it with me as I walk back out of the tent and into the night.

I am so glad I came

And if you read this and feel something tugging at you too, you’re welcome to Step Inside when you’re ready.